The problem of alcoholism in families is very common in many countries. According to statistics, every third woman faces alcoholism in her husband, it turns out that 30 percent of our families have an alcoholic - this number is scary. At the same time, the husband's alcohol abuse has a negative effect on the whole family, and many such families already become a social problem. Families where the man drinks are more likely to be socially disadvantaged and the children of such families suffer. Let's try to understand why my husband drinks and what to do about it.
The main reasons why the husband started drinking
First of all, it is worth distinguishing between daily drunkenness and alcoholism. The first is drinking alcohol for pleasure, and the second is addiction. But by drinking for pleasure, there is a high chance that a man who drinks will eventually become an alcoholic. The reasons why the husband started drinking are as follows:
- Entertainment. Many people start to buy alcohol at parties and companies for the mood. A beer at a picnic in the summer, a glass of champagne on New Year's Eve or a couple of cocktails at the bar on the weekend - it seems that there is nothing wrong with it.
- Traditions. In our country, men grow up in a culture of constant drinking: it is customary to drink on holidays, if something special happens, the first thing you need to do is get drunk, and people in the company do not trust a person who does not drink. .
- Communication. Drink helps to join the team, relax and feel more confident. Many men find it difficult to meet a girl without alcohol, in this way they overcome shyness.
- Stress. In the post-Soviet space, it is not customary to consult a psychologist, and the culture instills in a man a brutal, masculine image that does not have psychological problems and does not share his experiences. Men are often emotional and sensitive, but they are forced to hide their feelings, and drinking becomes the only way to cope with stress. This is a common reason for the initiation and development of alcoholism.
How to understand that your husband has become an alcoholic - the main signs
Many men drink alcohol from time to time, for example, on holidays. It happens that they exceed the limit. When should you start worrying? This question is often asked by wives of such men to psychologists. Only a doctor can diagnose alcoholism. There are warning signs, when they appear, it's time to act.
Constant use
If a man drinks not occasionally, but often and regularly, for example, on weekends, this already causes concern. If your husband drinks even a little every day, this is a sign of addiction. It is also important what kind of drinks he drinks and how much. Two liters of beer every evening is a lot.
Alcohol tolerance and withdrawal symptoms
Alcohol is toxic to the body. The first cases of use result in severe intoxication, dizziness, nausea and vomiting. People call it "not knowing how to drink". Over time, tolerance, that is, resistance to alcohol, increases, and a man can drink more. Withdrawal symptoms look like this or a hangover - feeling bad the next morning. In the final stages of alcoholism, alcohol tolerance decreases again - a small amount of alcohol is enough to get drunk, literally "sniff the cork". And the withdrawal syndrome is pronounced and painful, there is a strong desire for alcohol and a desire to be hungover - drink a little to relieve the pain. The habit of hanging becomes a kind of transition point, after which severe alcoholism can develop.
The appearance of binges
Binge drinking is the continuous use of alcohol over several days (3 or more). At the same time, the alcoholic husband enters a special drinking cycle: every morning he feels bad, has a hangover, then drinks during the day and gets very drunk again, and the next morning he feels bad again and everything repeats itself. With long-term use of alcohol, mental disorders appear, for example, alcoholic delirium - "delirium tremens", an altered state of consciousness accompanied by severe agitation, anxiety, fear or aggression and hallucinations.
Personality changes
Chronic drunkenness causes gradual personal changes that are invisible to loved ones, but addiction specialists are well aware of them. Such changes include:
- Increased irritability and difficulty controlling anger;
- Weakening of will, inability to resist desires;
- Self-blame, guilt and loss of self-esteem;
- Inability to take responsibility for his own actions;
- Lying to loved ones and deceiving oneself.
Over time, an alcoholic becomes a kind of adult child: he is not responsible for anything, cannot control his actions, cannot rely on him - after all, he can get drunk at any moment, forget agreements, spend. show aggression towards money or even your loved ones : In this situation it becomes dangerous. A sober alcoholic regrets his actions while intoxicated and experiences strong feelings of guilt, self-anger, or frustration, which drives him to drink alcohol again to distract himself from these negative emotions. He realizes that something is wrong, but he can't do anything. Wives of addicted husbands often say about them: "He's good when he's sober, but he's a different person when he's drunk. "
Social consequences
Usually, the relatives of the alcoholic man hide their addiction from others until the last moment. But there comes a time when it becomes difficult to do so. An alcoholic is absent from work or makes serious mistakes that get him fired. When he is drunk, he can commit various crimes or get injured. A person who regularly drinks alcohol gradually loses self-control and becomes very unpleasant: friends and even relatives turn away from him. Gradually, those around him begin to avoid him, and his entire social circle is limited to his fellow alcoholics. If this happens, it is very difficult to get out of such a closed circle.
Mistakes that wives often make with their husbands who drink
Psychologists call wives of alcoholic husbands "codependent. "This term means relatives of drug addicts who are in close contact with them and whose psyche inevitably changes. Their behavior changes in such a way that even against their wishes, it contributes to the development of alcoholism. The main mistakes made by wives of alcoholics are:
- Accusations. Of course, wives do not like the behavior of a drunken man and the consequences he causes. They try to influence their husbands - they scold, beg, appeal to their conscience. Thus, they only support the feeling of guilt - one of the main causes of alcoholism.
- He tries to hide the problem from others. Often, the wife covers up her husband in front of her relatives, makes excuses for her superiors, and solves all problems herself. Or he insists that he drinks at home, locked up - it's safer.
- Supporting the lifestyle of an addict: the wife scolds her husband, but she can help him "recover" from the hangover, give him money to drink, look for him among his alcoholic friends and bring him home. Sometimes he drinks with her - thinking that he will drink less this way.
- Pity for her husband and faith in his promises to stop drinking: they never come true.
- Ignoring the problem: the wife tolerates his drunken behavior with resignation because the husband is fine when he doesn't drink.
Often, in independent families, one can observe a situation where a wife struggles with her husband's alcoholism - she embarrasses him, tolerates him, gives ultimatums, deprives him of money or sex, and starts scandals. But at the same time, all his attempts do not bring any results: the husband only drinks more and more, and the wife experiences more and more difficult times. But he gets a lot of sympathy from acquaintances familiar with the situation. Compared to her husband and those around her, such a woman looks like a great martyr, people sympathize with her and sympathize with her. She uses her husband's alcoholism to justify her own problems and failures.
What to do if your husband drinks every day - the advice of psychologists and narcologists
If your husband drinks, the worst solution is to tolerate this problem, "carry your cross" and do nothing. Of course, a woman can always file for divorce. Moreover, a drunken husband often brings more problems to the family than help, funds and money. But you can try to get rid of addiction and save your family. All those close to the alcoholic must be patient: it will be difficult.
- The most important thing is to remove alcohol from family life. Completely and forever. Remember that there are no ex-alcoholics. Never have alcohol in your home to avoid provocation.
- Most likely, the husband will not admit the problem and will not show a desire to be treated until the last minute. Sometimes, after a scary or painful experience, the drinker wants to quit, but then his resolve weakens - next time. Narcologists can help - cleanse the blood of toxins, eliminate serious physical conditions, improve your well-being with the help of drugs. After that, the psychotherapist should work with the addict, because psychological addiction is more difficult to overcome than physical addiction.
- Communication is important. Talk to your husband, find out why he drinks. But you don't need to be a psychologist for your husband. Mental problems are best left to a professional.
- Change your environment. All alcoholic friends who drag the recovering person back into their own mire must be cut out of your life.
- Don't take it all on yourself. Do not give money to your husband, do not hide your problems in front of your loved ones. Don't forget that you are human too. Take care of yourself, your life should not be built around family problems.
- Do not embarrass the man and do not feel sorry for him. If you see him trying to get out, you can help him and support him in all his good deeds. But if he reaches for the bottle again, be firm.
Remember that it is difficult to solve the problem of alcoholism in a single family. Seek help: from narcologists, psychologists, support groups.
Traditional methods of treatment of alcoholism
All treatment methods can be divided into drug and psychotherapeutic.
With the help of drugs, doctors:
- Getting rid of a hangover;
- improve well-being, support the work of internal organs;
- Clean the blood from toxic substances - alcohol breakdown products;
- Reduce cravings for alcohol consumption - replacement therapy.
Psychotherapy methods help reduce psychological dependence. These include:
- Coding: the doctor instructs the addict not to drink or something bad will happen to him. Previously, the method of coding drugs was also popular - a special capsule was sewn under the skin of alcohol, when alcohol entered the blood, it released poison that caused the death of the patient.
- Classical hypnosis: the psychotherapist instructs not to drink alcohol and not to want it. This method is similar to coding, but it is a little gentler, because its use does not involve an unexpected danger to health or life.
- NLP or neurolinguistic programming: the specialist uses the patient's perceptual channels - auditory, visual and tactile channels, to strengthen the desired reactions and reduce the desire for alcohol.
- Complex therapy (psychoanalysis, CBT, Gestalt approach): the psychotherapist deeply analyzes the psychological problems of drug addiction and shows ways to solve them, helps to learn new ways of behavior.
Alternative medicine
Non-traditional methods of treating alcoholism include herbal remedies that cause a strong reaction in the body when used with alcohol. For example, the dung mushroom, tasty and harmless, causes severe nausea, vomiting, fever and palpitations with even a small dose of alcohol. With long-term use, the active substances of the mushroom accumulate in the body and are not completely eliminated, causing a characteristic reaction to each alcohol intake. This method has long been used to cure alcoholics in villages.
Folk remedies are also used to relieve the painful condition of alcohol intoxication: a mixture of mint and lemon balm, St. John's wort, bay leaf, apple cider vinegar, honey, cabbage and pomegranate juice.
All kinds of conspiracies and slanders related to water, "let the husband not drink", prayers, rebukes against drunkenness are also used - these methods are popular among people, but their effectiveness has not been proven.
Can you force your husband to stop drinking without his consent?
Some wives, seeing that their husbands will not give up alcohol, try to get him away from this bad habit without his knowledge. For example, they add some medicines to food and drink. This is very dangerous and doctors do not recommend doing it.
Realizing that alcoholism is destroying his health, relationships, and life, an addict must ask for it himself to give up drinking. But this does not happen often. Addiction changes the psyche in such a way that the alcoholic never tries to stop drinking.
However, there are things that the wife of an alcoholic can start doing at any time to stop her husband from drinking, and it depends on him alone. He must realize his position as a victim and change his way of thinking. Start changing what you don't like in life, don't tolerate what you don't like, respect yourself. Do not solve other people's problems, do not take responsibility for other adults. It is necessary to remember that alcoholism is not a disease, but a harmful addiction that destroys life and family. You may need long-term work with a psychologist to change yourself and start thinking more about yourself.
How do you know when it's time to seek help from a narcologist?
There are several characteristic signs, according to which the addiction has gone too far and cannot be overcome without professional help. These include:
- Frequent, regular use with painful hangovers;
- Lack of control over the amount of alcohol (when a person starts drinking, he cannot stop);
- Drinking alone at home (quiet drinking at home can later lead to severe alcoholism);
- False and hidden alcohol bottles (the husband tries to hide the fact of drinking from his wife);
- Drinks for many days, from which the drunk can no longer recover on his own.
All these signs indicate the development of a dangerous stage of alcoholism, when the addiction needs urgent professional help. Relatives of an alcoholic must send him to treatment, otherwise his addiction will develop rapidly with the most serious consequences, even death. There is no need to endanger the life and health of all family members, it is better to consult a doctor immediately.